Site-Wide Activity

I think you’re right – if we don’t approve of someone, we just won’t listen to them.

Simon Paynton wrote:

Autumn wrote:

There are a lot of reasons people simply don’t want to hear what you have to say. I’m not talking about agreeing or disagreeing with it. I’m talking about even hearing and understanding what it is that’s being shared. And sharing can provoke anger and aggression, dismissal, harassment, ostraciation and isolati…

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Autumn wrote:

There are a lot of reasons people simply don’t want to hear what you have to say. I’m not talking about agreeing or disagreeing with it. I’m talking about even hearing and understanding what it is that’s being shared. And sharing can provoke anger and aggression, dismissal, harassment, ostraciation and isolation, or potenti…

[Read more]

Simon Paynton wrote:

@autumn – we seem to be talking about a failure of empathy. I think empathy is a product of what we perceive and how we feel about it. Empathic concern or compassion depends on how much we approve of the other person. If we don’t – then compassion is weakened or absent. In other words, it would help the situation if oppre…

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Unseen wrote:

But the fact remains that boys from single-father homes are quite a bit less likely to end up as career criminals, drug addicts, or mass murderers than boys from single-mother homes.

Can you point us to the best study that you know of to support this claim? It might also help me assess possible “fixes”. E.g., what percentage of…[Read more]

@davis – it’s true that abused women often say that psychological abuse is worse than the physical.

@autumn – we seem to be talking about a failure of empathy.  I think empathy is a product of what we perceive and how we feel about it.  Empathic concern or compassion depends on how much we approve of the other person.  If we don’t – then co…[Read more]

Autumn wrote:

Autumn wrote:

Simon Paynton wrote:

I think there is a problem with perceived infantalisation and crying wolf.

I’m not sure that I understand. Are you saying people perceive those equating certain verbal abuse and violence as being coddled or potentially as making up harm that doesn’t exist (or at least not to the degree cla…

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Davis wrote:

Can it go to far? Yes sometimes it can. Is it necessary? Yes. Why should toxic bullying, the continuation of hostility towards marginalised groups and unnecessary stress and harm be allowed to continue…when they are easily avoided by relatively small changes in our behaviour

I think we’re in a paradigm shift when it comes to l…[Read more]

I think there is a problem with perceived infantalisation and crying wolf.

If by perceived infantilisation, you mean people conflating society at large not tolerating abusive behaviour, allowing people to enjoy their lives without unnecessary menace/bullying/harm with the creation of some kindergarten state…then I agree with you it is a problem.…[Read more]

Autumn wrote:

Simon Paynton wrote:

I think there is a problem with perceived infantalisation and crying wolf.

I’m not sure that I understand. Are you saying people perceive those equating certain verbal abuse and violence as being coddled or potentially as making up harm that doesn’t exist (or at least not to the degree claimed)?

Bleh. I wro…[Read more]

No Simon I don’t think equating violent verbal abuse with violent physical abuse devalues one or the other. If you have ever been the victim of an extreme prolonged violent verbal attack you might recall that you suffer as much emotional damage and stress as with physical violence and it can certainly result in related physiological harm. There is…[Read more]

Simon Paynton wrote:

I think there is a problem with perceived infantalisation and crying wolf.

I’m not sure that I understand. Are you saying people perceive those equating certain verbal abuse and violence as being coddled or potentially as making up harm that doesn’t exist (or at least not to the degree claimed)?

I was taught when young that the world is full of assholes, hate mongers, racists, bullies, malcontents, shitheads, fascists, morons, snobs, sex maniacs, fear mongers, idiots, clergy and people who decorate with pastels and to not to care in the least what they think or say. When I was young it was fairly difficult to do. Trying to navigate…[Read more]

I think there is a problem with perceived infantalisation and crying wolf.

Part of the shift is due to a link between certain types of prolonged stress and neurological harm. Patterns of verbal abuse can contribute to such neurological harm as well as psychological issues that have lasting and substantial harmful effects including self-harm or suicide. At some point the line between physical trauma and emotional/…[Read more]

Simon Paynton wrote:

Davis wrote:

speech not being violent.

Surely speech can only be harmful, not violent. Violence is physical. To call words “violence” is to devalue the word “violence”.

Why, I agree with you on this. Speech can’t be violent, but we live in that age where words no longer mean what we thought they meant a while back.

Davis wrote:

speech not being violent.

Surely speech can only be harmful, not violent.  Violence is physical.  To call words “violence” is to devalue the word “violence”.

Unseen wrote:

Autumn wrote:

my response, albeit vague, makes it pretty clear I am not talking about maintaining the status quo.

The status quo doesn’t need maintenance. It maintains itself. That’s why we call it the status quo (that which is), you see.

Incorrect. We call it the status quo only because it is the current state of affairs. It doe…[Read more]

Autumn wrote:

my response, albeit vague, makes it pretty clear I am not talking about maintaining the status quo.

The status quo doesn’t need maintenance. It maintains itself. That’s why we call it the status quo (that which is), you see. It would probably be easier, not to mention better, to strengthen the family unit. The status quo has an…[Read more]