Reply To: Dealing with Grief After Forsaking Religion

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Hi Michelle,
As with any sort of grief there are stages…they do not necessarily go in this order, and they can go back and forth for weeks, months, or even years, depending on a number of factors.

Here are the basic 5 stages. Sometimes there is more, depending on who you consult, but I think these 5 (personally) sum it up nicely…

1. Denial and Isolation.

You may have times when you still think you believe or that it is real, and deny what you are thinking about atheism. You may isolate yourself from friends/family, etc…Denial is a way to protect your emotions, and it’s normal for everyone.

2. Anger

You may be angry and people, institutions, or even directly at God. You may be confused about being angry at something or someone. You may be angry at the church you went to, or your parents if they raised you a certain way, etc…

3. Bargaining

You may try to make a deal with God like, “If you’re real, show me a sign,” or something like that. It’s a way to postpone the inevitable that you may ultimately be feeling inside.

4. Depression

You may be depressed about the realization that there is no afterlife, or that you believed something for so long for which there is no evidence. I struggle a lot with this in realizing that I wasted pretty much my entire young adult life believing a lie, and got married under an assumption about a god that didn’t protect me or make me happy. This is a stage I still am going through for a number of reasons. Don’t let yourself get stuck here, but when you are here, recognize it for what it is and be OK with the process. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel.

5. Acceptance

You will eventually start to realize that you have a beautiful life to live. You will be stronger for it and you will enjoy every day as much as you can. You will start to see things through a more scientific and curious lense, and it will cause you to constantly ask more and more questions that your religious friends and family may never even fathom. It will give you a wisdom you didn’t even know was possible. You will come to understand that this is truly your one and only life, so you may start to make goals differently. Instead of pining for an afterlife you will look forward to making THIS life better, whatever it takes.

As far are your actual question about how to deal with it, it depends on where you are at in this process….Are you feeling like you’re depressed? Not to be too personal, but just asking so I can better offer more pointed advice….