I'm not a Christian

[.]

I tried to be. For my son. I thought it would help us.

No it just opened up old wounds.

I am…an atheist. And I am done with religion. I’m done with bullshit

[Strega]

Whatever you land on, I hope it makes you feel more settled

[.]

What do you mean?

[Strega]

You seem to have been wrestling with inner conflict. I hope now that you feel you have landed on your position (of atheism) there is less turmoil.

[.]

I think it’s more that I really see how things truly are. But I think I’m more of a bitch than I’ve ever been, so honestly I’m not the innocent rose I once was. I’m a warrior now.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Strega. Reason: Fixed html

[Strega]

What aspects of ‘bitch’ are you identifying with?

[.]

I’m done putting up with bullshit. I’m done trying to be good to people who end up hurting me in the end. I’m done trying to help my son’s father. Fuck him. He’s still trying to abuse us after all this time. I’m done letting so-called Christians judge me and feeling bad about myself for my “sins ” when they don’t give a fuck. I’m done letting people smile in my face only to talk shit behind my back. I’m done listening to lectures from my family who doesn’t give a fuck about me. I’m done dealing with stupid people who just end up hurting me and not caring. I’m done letting people walk all over me like a door mat and a sex object. I’m done with anyone and anything that tries to drag me down. I’m going where the people are who truly support and care about me. I still don’t know where that is but I’ll find it someday.

[physeter]

Big hugs from me, Belle. I’m so sorry going back to the faith didn’t turn out better for you. I wish I had an idea where to find those people you are looking for. I know I’ve been pretty adamant in some of my arguments about theistic things you’ve posted–I’m very sorry if you felt personally attacked by that.

Most people, I would hope, if they actually give a fuck, will care less about whether or not you are a Christian, an atheist, a deist, a Buddhist or a silly-hat-wearing-cult member and will care more about you doing exactly what you said–your strength in caring for yourself and not putting up with other people’s bullshit.

I believe in you.

[.]

Hugs to you too Physeter,  honestly I think I just went through a really bad phase… I had to figure out some things for myself. I think I still have a ways to go but honestly I think I’ve learned through this that I really don’t have anyone but myself. Community just doesn’t exist. At least not in this part of the United States. They are only a handful of people who I can really count on when the going gets tough. And there’s a whole lot of people who like to judge  me. Ironically it’s all the Christians who like to judge and then turn their back’s on me when I really need them. Fuck that. It’s been really hurtful honestly. It’s hurtful to watch my son lose one of his best friends ever when we really needed them. My son  has mental illness. He was in the psychiatric hospital for six days and there was only one person who really cared. That’s really sad isn’t it?  His dad made those 6 days hell for me.  But those six days really changed my life forever.

[Strega]

Is he out now, Belle?

[.]

He was. We are being readmitted

[Strega]

Hang in there Belle

[.]

Im trying.

[Author]

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