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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Simon Paynton 3 years, 9 months ago.

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    Belle Rose

    I am wondering what you all think. Not that I’m going to take your advice but I am genuinely interested. Maybe I will learn something.


    My son has hated since day 1 of kindergarten. I have been through hell and back trying to get him the help he needs, and I have fought the school district every step of the way. He ended up going to a private special school for two years with the goal of getting him back into public school. Now he’s back in public school, and it’s honestly the same bullshit all over again. It has seriously stressed me out and made my life a living hell. My career has taken a backseat. Honestly I am at the point where I’m almost about to just pull him out for good. I’m just wondering honestly… If there are any redeeming qualities that would make it worth continuing the fight. Homeschooling him full-time at this age would probably be easier. But at the expense of him not having to interact with other people, I think that’s bad. Maybe there is a middle ground I’m not sure. But I know that things cannot continue this way. Not for him and not for me. He has told me that he’s done after high school he does not want to go to college. I’m seriously willing to sign the documents and let him get his GED and get out early so he can get a job. I feel like I’ve tried everything. And I think for him… School is just never going to work no matter what I do. I’ve always kept hoping for that one teacher who will turn his life around. I’m still waiting



    Continuing on the present course is counterproductive. The off chance of a turnitaround teacher v. the likelihood of further alienation suggests that a change is warranted. Ask him what he likes. What does he want to know more about? What does he want to do? Let him choose his path.

    Giving him the tough-guy option of continuing in school or getting GED and following with a job will leave him in a bad way. If there is nothing that he wants, nothing that interests him then try something in nature. Perhaps the two of you or he and a friend or with a group can hike a long trail like the appalachian or pacific crest trail. For many older people doing such a thing is a reset in life. But i think it can work for a kid as a starter. There is something irreplaceable about being in nature and working your ass off on a trail.



    I have a friend who had her son when she was 42 at which point the father (who had wanted a child) upped and left leaving her as a single mom. Her son is very disruptive   She enrolled him in a Tai Kwan Doh class and it seems to have made a huge difference. He’s not perfect, by any means.  I know it’s an expense. What isn’t, these days?!  However, it does ensure he is mixing with others and in a respectful way. It also unexpectedly turned out that he’s pretty good at it and has now won his yellow belt!



    My wife (now ex) took on the large project of searching the area for better public and private schools because of a public school we were currently disappointed with. She eventually found another, smaller public school, and we were fortunate by law in our area to be able to transfer to that school. It was a very good decision, and one teacher in particular is a life-long facebook friend, well-loved by his community.

    I was OK with my Catholic ex (who’s also Japanese, which adds an interesting open-mindedness to the mix) considering religious-based schools, but what seemed most important in the end was smallness of the school, not held hostage to larger school processes and depersonalization.

    Ivy wrote:
    Homeschooling him full-time at this age would probably be easier. But at the expense of him not having to interact with other people, I think that’s bad.

    I used to feel that way, too. We (almost accidentally) met a lot of homeschooling families, even the more religious-oriented ones. I worried at first that daily closeness to those families would impart to our kids too much of a narrow, self-serving view of religion… and perhaps they would have (at least in my opinion). I think we met a lot of these homeschooled peer-aged kids and their parents during (e.g.) soccer practice. But what struck me the most was how well adjusted and comfortable with adults all these kids were; they were just as socially adept, all around, as any other kid.

    I’ve since felt that packing a lot of peer-aged kids together into one classroom is unnatural in itself and is not an ideal environment for kids to learn how to interact and cope with kids (and adults) of various ages, an environment that will exist in reality after school age for the rest of their lives. At school age, I personally was overwhelmed by the unnatural amount of peer pressure that exists in a classroom full of same-age kids competing with each other socially. There are positives to the typical peer-level environment, of course, but if a kid has any problems fitting into that kind of mono-culture mold, I would consider that a less populated or less ultra-peer-level classroom environment could be less overwhelming.


    Simon Paynton

    If school is really that bad for him, and if he could still interact with other kids after hours, then home schooling would appear to be the best option.  Why add to his stress load, when he maybe finds stress difficult to deal with?  Lots of kids do well out of conventional school, especially if they are taught good values.

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