Victim’s Remorse? Or something else?

[—Participant]

One of the unfortunate aspects of therapists is that many people have to shop around for one who is a good fit. Not only that, but some therapists border on (or actually are) negligent or incompetent.

I can think of reasons your therapist wouldn’t want you to vent in sessions depending on her modality. For instance, if her focus is cognitive behavioural therapy, the aim is to shift from harmful or dysfunctional thought patterns to healthier ones so venting in therapy sessions might be counterproductive to that process. Doesn’t mean it’s the right fit for you or that the therapist you saw was any good. Just saying different practitioners have very different approaches for different reasons. If you do decide to give it another go down the road, you might want to look at what her treatment model was and look for someone who has a different approach.

Sorry to hear it was a bust though. It shouldn’t be so hard to find the right sort of support in a timely manner, but often the process is kinda bullshit.

[UnseenParticipant]

Autumn wrote:

One of the unfortunate aspects of therapists is that many people have to shop around for one who is a good fit. Not only that, but some therapists border on (or actually are) negligent or incompetent.

Or worse. I had a neighbor who was an acquaintance. Not a friend exactly but we’d socialize and he had health problems he talked about. He was getting depressed so I suggested an agency that could line him up with someone to help him.

A few weeks go by and he drops the fact that his female counselor is attractive and that he told her so and that she responded in a way I felt crossed a line by seeing him socially outside the counseling session. He felt a romance was blooming. I saw someone taking advantage of a highly vulnerable patient.

I talked him about the fact that it’s not uncommon for the patient to develop feelings for their therapist which the therapist must keep at arms length. I then called a therapist I knew and had him tell her what he thad told me.

She said that, if true, it sounded like a serious breach of professional ethics. She helped him find a new counselor (a male, this time), and took it from there, probably to the professional accrediting organization.

I’ve known a few people who have had serious issues and have been in extensive therapy and I’ve been appalled at how often they have said that the progress they were making inspired them to consider going into counseling themselves. I think they probably would make terrible psychological counselors.

[TheEncogitationerParticipant]

Belle Rose,

I’m so sorry to hear that didn’t work as planned.

Perhaps looking for an Internet Forum for other trauma and crime victims could either get you referrals to a legitimate Therapist or at least provide a support group where you could vent in safety and privacy and get answers to questions.

At least you are directing your time and efforts where they are most needed: towards your own safety and well-being. That is a very good thing. Don’t let any good feelings or memories you may have had with your partner distract you from getting and keeping these values.

If you are ever again in a situation where you are captive to someone, here’s a pro-tip:

People in The U.S. Armed Forces are always taught that if they ever become a Prisoner Of War, never engage with the captor more than necessary.

Never look the captor in the eye, since it may lead to identifying with the enemy and giving the enemy aid and comfort. If forced to look, look at a spot above their head instead. The enemy will never be the wiser.

Members of the U.S. Armed Forces are also taught to only give captors their Name. Rank, and Serial Number and that they have a right and duty to try an escape.

Since the Serial Number is also one’s Social Security Number, the key number to all Identity Theft, civilians shouldn’t even give that much out. Say nothing instead and still try to escape.

I hope this is helpful. Here’s some cheerful music to accompany your struggle:

[Belle RoseParticipant]

@autumn

I can think of reasons your therapist wouldn’t want you to vent in sessions depending on her modality.

that must be it then. It’s called cpt cognitive processing therapy I think. That’s probably why. Does it work? Or is it another huge waste of time and money like so many bandaid fixes are lol…if it’s legit maybe I’ll give it a go

[—Participant]

It does work, but that doesn’t necessarily make it the best tool for everyone. I have known three people who have gone through CBT for PTSD (one definitely did CPT, specifically). For two it helped considerably but it was a lot of work. The third found it problematic despite trying a couple of different types of CBT with different therapists. She later tried other therapy types that seemed to be more up her alley, but our paths in life diverged around that point in time so I don’t really know if any of them panned out for her in the end.

Truth be told, I’m not that knowledgeable about this so you have to take what I say with a grain of salt. I just know this modality isn’t snake oil or anything like that.

[—Participant]

Unseen wrote:

A few weeks go by and he drops the fact that his female counselor is attractive and that he told her so and that she responded in a way I felt crossed a line by seeing him socially outside the counseling session. He felt a romance was blooming. I saw someone taking advantage of a highly vulnerable patient.

Agreed. There are lines that can’t be crossed. The term ‘counsellor’ specifically is regulated differently in various jurisdictions, but presumably there is still some training and certification that should make this clear, if not just basic reason. Then again, even licensed psychiatrists break this trust and there is no way in hell they aren’t specifically educated on boundaries between them and patients.

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

Here is a slightly different kind of trauma therapy – Gestalt Therapy.

It is recommended by a psychotherapist from New York I respect and have had beneficial dealings with: Dr Elinor Greenberg.

Dr Greenberg writes a column on Quora called Bits of Wisdom.  If you contact her via quora.com, or e-mail, I am sure she would love to help you out with information.

[PopeBeanieModerator]

I’ve had great support from the VA, and great luck with therapists for ten years, solving depression first, which was caused by decades of severe social anxiety. It took the next seven years or so to get over the social anxiety. For both diagnoses, the treatments were “standard”, but different therapists favored different techniques, and themselves just had different personalities that “matched” me better than others.

Now I never had to deal with trauma, so I’m not familiar with “standard” treatment for trauma. But knowing other vets who’ve needed treatment, e.g. for trauma during war, they’ve sometimes been disappointed with some therapists, but always managed to find their match.

My current therapist, of six years, happens to specialize in treating trauma, and to be honest, it’s like we’re good friends now. We’ve even met each others’ family. But I’m an open book now, mostly because my last problem to solve, severe hoarding, is more of a behavioral issue (within only my living space) than my now-solved issues that involved emotional vulnerability.

Long story short, my therapists have changed my life, perhaps even saved it.

[PopeBeanieModerator]

Simon Paynton wrote:

Here is a slightly different kind of trauma therapy – Gestalt Therapy.

I read one of Fritz Perls‘ books as a teenager, and learned a lot from it. (He founded Gestalt Therapy.)

[Belle RoseParticipant]

So….she’ll be getting out of jail in a couple of weeks.

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

What are you going to do?  Does she have an order banning her from contacting you?

[UnseenParticipant]

Belle Rose wrote:

So….she’ll be getting out of jail in a couple of weeks.

I hate to bring this up, but are you prepared to deal with potential violence in any way?

[Belle RoseParticipant]

@unseen

I hate to bring this up, but are you prepared to deal with potential violence in any way?

Yah, unfortunately I have to be ready. I’m terrified. Yah there will be a protection order but that’s just a piece of paper it means nothing.

[Belle RoseParticipant]

Well after essentially calling their bluff even the Prosecutor couldn’t sleep at night 😂…..she’s upgrading the charges to Assault in the 1st degree AND 2nd degree attempted murder. I told her “if a man had done this to me I don’t think there would have been any question it would have been charged attempted murder right out the gate.”

I think that also got her attention 😂

[TheEncogitationerParticipant]

Belle Rose,

I’m glad the Prosecutor upped the charges to include Second Degree Murder. At least the Prosecutor acknowledges the nature of the offense and there’s a somewhat better chance of putting your ex away for much longer.

Please keep us updated and stay safe!

[Author]

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