Reply To: Bigotry in my family

Well, this kind of situation isn’t uncommon, at least. My own parents, while not as blatant or as serious about it as yours seem to be, have been doing the subtle hints thing for many years, and I’m 34. I’ve been told to “borrow” Christian books carefully left on the coffee table of their home, that my mom thinks are “really interesting” or “such a fascinating book” and that I “might like”. My dad has asked if I intended to bring up my kid in church, despite knowing full well that I hadn’t been to church or expressed anything but negative opinions of religion in over a decade.

When I was in college I had a rational conversation or two with my mother explaining why I felt the way I felt, and it went pretty well, at least in the sense that I think she thought it was understandable. Which reminds me, any time you broach the topic, I would advise you to do it with one parent at a time, in casual settings where you’re already engaged in conversation—long drives are a good example.

But don’t be surprised if, even after they come to grips with it, they still feel that you’ll find your way back to faith at some point in life. It’s a little patronizing (as if I haven’t put countless hours of serious thought and research into this subject, far more than they ever have?), but from parents I can put up with it. I would try to stop thinking of it in terms of bigotry, and more in terms of that they love you a lot and they may honestly be afraid you won’t end up in heaven with them, and be lost forever. I also try to be gentle about it because it implies that if I’m right, they won’t see their own parents again, ever, and I know that’s a great comfort to them to believe that. So, so sad and childish, but a great comfort nonetheless.