A letter to God

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  mike 1 month ago.

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  • #5869

    mike
    Participant

    A LETTER TO GOD
    Dear God,
    I know you are very busy: your inbox must be quite full of prayers. Luckily you do the “all knowing”, telepathic thing, so not all people have to write you…because five billion sheets of copy paper; that would form a stack 306 miles high, is a bit tough to get through in any day. Considering there are around two trillion galaxies, each containing several billion stars, presumably almost all containing habitable planets filled with life, I imagine you are a bit overwhelmed answering our requests for personal favours. Overwhelmingly important prayers, like granting favourable weather, tax relief or cures for impotence, might seem a bit mundane for some of our former Gods, but we know you love us so much; these will not seem unreasonable to you. I hope you still have a few minutes left in the day for creation.

    On the subject of creation; there is something I really need to understand about that book you wrote. Referring to the first three lines in Genesis…just how did you create the heavens and the earth first, as you say, without light? I am not saying you are purposely trying to mislead us, or that you lied but, I must say, in the last few hundred years we have learned a great deal about cosmology. We now know that light in the form of hydrogen burning, in the first stars, created all the heavier elements necessary to create the earth. I mean you are God, so maybe you have a few tricks up your tunic, but how did you even create a tunic without primordial suns exploding out the ingredients? It is such a small detail and I will forgive a typo, but if you are trying to teach us, you really need to be more precise: light came first and then you created the earth. It is a mystery I am hoping you deem us worthy to, one day, answer. Oh, and by the way, I don’t mean to be picky but wind also, being created by the suns convection currents, came after light; not before, as you stated.

    While we are on the subject, I really need to point out, what some might consider, minor misconstructions in your narrative…

    [1:11] Then God said, “Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it.” And it was so…

    …You might think three billion years of single celled organisms are not worth mentioning; but you forgot that one day we would be able to read those details in places like the Burgess Shale and see that motile organisms preceded flowering plants: animals came before fruit bearing vegetation. I could go on… and will, because metaphors are fine when writing: I will accept that…but…we are no longer the puerile uninformed; so…

    [1:24] And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind.” And it was so…

    …when you say, “creeping things”; are you referring to the omitted dinosaurs? If you are, you already created birds which evolved from dinosaurs; who lived on earth for 150 million years, give or take a few; it is just a little confusing that you did not know we would, eventually, figure out the order life arose.

    The devil is in the details, and maybe we can blame it all on Moses; but how long did you think it would take us to discover that the moon is lit up with reflected sun light? And not…

    [1:16] God made the two great lights – the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night – and the stars…

    …I do hope you revise Genesis one day to reflect our growing scientific wisdom, granted to us by that spiffy invention of yours called a brain. I realize I am asking a lot from you: 13.7 billion years is a long time for even a God to remember all the sordid details of Humanities creation, and put it in book form. Since this is only your second attempt at communicating with us using the written word, I should probably make allowances. It is surely me being too finicky because, I know quite a few people who think your verses are just glorious the way they are.

    However, they may have taken a few of your verses a bit too literally…

    [1:28] God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

    …That one, particularly, has bestowed a level of unparalleled abuse and cruelty, upon your lesser creations, by us; so you may want to alter it somewhat… I’m just saying. I realize you already wiped out 99.9% of all life forms, in huge conflagrations of misery, before you got around to creating us. It is nice to know that you think Homo sapiens are so special, but I do not think the Neanderthals are feeling the love. So, you may have created humans in your image but you certainly show your loving kindness in unusual inhuman ways.

    You must have a great sense of humour because, that one about the appendix is a doozy. I know; design is a fickle thing. If you don’t get it right the first time; you are God after all: just try again.

    By the way…what is it with all the baby killing you do, on a second to second basis? As I wrote that sentence I understand that ten babies met their gruesome fate at your hands through “acts of God”; like natural disasters and disease: popping their heads open by way of crushing them between rocks; smothering them, ever so slowly, under masses of mud; ripping them from their mother’s arms to horribly drown them and their mothers; burning them alive; not to mention a multitude of evil diseases bestowed upon them each second. You really need to have that aspect of your personality analysed. Down here we have words to describe such behavior and “loving kindness” is not among them. I realize you seek only to take them to your bosom, to live happily ever after… but is that any way to start a paternal relationship?

    Far be it for me to criticize your paternal relations with your minions, but when you impregnate your virginal daughter, against her will, we also have “God given” words to describe that behavior as well. We humans have developed a moral imperative that finds creeping upon your daughter in the middle of the night and inseminating her (I am assuming here that Jesus had an X and a Y chromosome) is just a little weird and unacceptable to say the least. I am sorry if I sound a little harsh on this point but, you really need to practice what you preach if you seek our unconditional respect and devotion…

    And you think Eve is a little shifty and simple? She, at least, could find Adam in your Eden…

    [3:9] But the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?”…

    …I was led to believe you were an “all seeing God”. If you can not find Adam in your own garden then how will you ever find Satan?

    What is it with that Eve debacle anyway? …

    [3:3] but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, nor shall you touch it, or you shall die. ‘”
    [3:4] But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not die”…

    …That my revered, perplexing God is what is known as a “little white lie”, and since lying is sin… and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… can you really blame her? You must know children sometimes follow their parents example. Also, I simply do not understand why the serpent is punished for telling the truth.

    3:14] The LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you among all animals and among all wild creatures; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life…

    By the way, snakes do actually quite well for themselves on their belly, and do not eat dust…but what did worms do to deserve such a fate? And, did all future Humanity really deserve their cruel fate?

    I am sure you can see the inequity here, (as well as the possible accusations of entrapment); where all man-kinds descendants must pay an eternity for an ancestor munching an apple, especially after obviously lying to modestly, naked Eve; woman getting childbearing pain, and being ruled over by her husband, (we call that sexism now); husband getting cursed ground and toil; thorns and thistles; eating field plants??? That’s a little harsh don’t you think? It might be time to let go of a little bit of that pent-up anger your holding on to…after all, in your new book, you did tell James to write…

    James [1:5] If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you…

    Correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds to me that you found fault.

    …Thanks for the garments of skins though. Naked and the 45th parallel do not go well together at certain times of the year.

    That is all I wanted to query about in the old testament. I will not even ask you about your penchant for genocide and child sex slaves, or your predilection for sacrificing goats. We are going to let that go…because I feel that you have merited some consolations based upon a novel attitude you adopted in your fancy new tome. And just so you know, we have all (mostly) decided that it is ok for our daughters to go “party” and have a drink or two, without stoning them to death when they come home.

    Please do not think that I believe your book to be all doom and gloom…I quite like your new book. It certainly makes it evident that you learn from your mistakes. I like the way you rebranded yourself: developing a new, differentiated identity in the minds of Humans was a brilliant strategy…after a certain point it is best to “out” the genocidal Yahweh and “in” the peace-loving Jesus. I guess times change, even for a God. Too bad about all the disagreement amongst your bros though.

    It might not even be Mathew’s, Luke’s, John’s or Mark’s fault, that they can not seem to keep the details of the narrative straight: 100 years and 5000 transcriptions are bound to change a word or two. So please do tell; who carried the cross; what hour was the crucifixion; what did that Centurion say; what was the last word spoken on the cross; and what was the colour of the robe; how long does it take to levitate to heaven; and where did the ascension take place; who was it who first visited the tomb; and was the freakin stone there or not? Sorry; I get a little excited. I am just so confused as to why each story is so different.

    Until I hear back from you I will assume that the stories started out the same. I will hold the professional copyist responsible for making such a hash of it…Although…it is believed you were guiding their hand…so…If you could just make the “perfect” word a little more perfect, I would greatly appreciate it. I do not feel I am asking much for you to get your people compatible on this issue…I feel that as you are capable enough to easily alter the Laws of physics, with all that rising from the dead and levitation stuff: you really aught to be able to write a reliable, unfailing account of what was certainly an important time in history.

    Well, I think I have taken enough of your time. If you receive this well, and don’t decide to crush my head in the interim, I should be able to get more into your “new testament” in some future letter. Being that you are omnipotent and above base human deficiencies, I know you will respect my inquiries and protestations without insult.

    I would like to offer you my services, perhaps organizing and editing the innumerable fine points in this, or any future editions you feel inspired enough to put your name to.

    So… as your unpretentious, bootlicking, meek sycophant; please feel free to throw me a revisional verse, or drop me a burning bush anytime…

    Your Humble slave,

    Ha, just kidding!!! I mean servant,
    Mike

    P.S. Love you too…

    #5877

    Strega
    Moderator

    Chuckles

    #5878

    mike
    Participant

    I wrote that as my exorcism after our families thanksgiving get-together; where my niece handed out Bible verses for everyone to read after dinner… I read mine like a champ (chump) and then needed to expel my demons…
    It came directly from my bible studies (know thy enemy) :/

    #5879

    _Robert_
    Participant

    Atheists are certainly unusual, willing to give up life everlasting and social acceptance for what we see as the truth. It took me a long time and I still bite my tongue almost every day.

    #5881

    mike
    Participant

    Atheist are just willing to accept the nature of the universe. The Laws of Physics dictate reality and not our hallucinations or wishful thinking; resurrection or re-animation, unassisted flight (ascension), reincarnation, virgin birth, a personal God…these are things of delusion; of make-believe…

    Ideas approaching a greater understanding of what is reality are given to us by science. For instance; the idea that many of my atoms were created in primitive suns, billions of years ago…that one day they will go back to the universe, to be reconfigured into another celestial body and maybe another life form…now that is cool…

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