Me Three

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This topic contains 26 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Reg the Fronkey Farmer 6 days, 3 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 16 through 27 (of 27 total)
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  • #6115

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @diane

    Arch said to me once, “It must be tough, being glass and steel at the same time.”

    I miss him too :,(

    Honestly I didn’t know the things that happened to me were abuse until I was about 30 and then it still took a few hard fought years to really process it all….

    I think my original anger spawned from the fact that I check the CNN news to make a half hearted attempt to stomach the news and to check to see if Trump has been arrested for treason yet (One can remain hopeful!!!)…

    It seemed like every time I opened the news there was more about “sexual assault sexual assault” more women coming forward and a slew of their faces and accusations from years ago and it just got annoying. Because….damn I don’t even want to go into it. It’s just that now I’m finally ready to just move on. I think after all this time and hard work I’m in a situation right now with my biological half uncle where I’m confused about it. He just got out of prison and we connected…He is my Mom’s youngest half brother. My other uncles tell me he’s a “bad news bear,”…and yet from the moment we connected we had a chemistry. I didn’t understand it. There’s even a term for it. I found on Wikipedia called “genetic sexual attraction.” It’s where people who are related but meet as adults are sexually attracted to each other. It’s common with adopted people apparently. But I’m also feeling very familiar with him because he is SO MUCH like the man who abused me for years….but did he really???? Even now it’s still totally confusing. I don’t fell believe it. I thought it was totally consensual and  it was love…No one ever pointed out to me until I was 30 that it was technically statutory rape….and now I have a half uncle making me feel like the best person alive. And honestly I’m really confused. I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to someone because I feel like I’m on a downward spiral….

    So yeah I’m still honestly confused. I don’t know what to do. I’m just sick of seeing the word sexual assault everywhere. I’m trying to move on…

    I too was traumatized during the campaign and I’m traumatized almost every time I read the news. I just need to hit a punching bag. All the anger I never had before is pouring out like a fountain. I’m trying to turn that rage into something positive….trying but not totally succeeding

    #6116

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    I think emotionally I’m stuck at 13 sometimes, lol

    #6119

    tom sarbeck
    Participant

    @Belle – “and now I have a half uncle making me feel like the best person alive.“

    Be very careful, Belle, or leave immediately. People with anti-social personality disorder (formerly in DSM as psycho- or sociopaths) are skilled at making their next victims feel like the best persons alive. An earlier warning sign is their predatory stare.

    Depending on which source you use, such people make up

    1) from one to four percent of the unincarcerated population, and

    2) from 20 to 25 percent of the incarcerated population.

    For more info than you will want to read, google “Robert Hare”, a perhaps now-retired college professor in Canada who for a quarter century studied such people.

    #6120

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @toms oh without question he has ASPD…Not even a doubt in my mind whatsoever.

    #6121

    Strega
    Moderator

    @bellerose what was he in prison for, if it’s not too personal a question?

    #6122

    Diane
    Participant

    Seeing and reading about all the sexual assault in the news got me going too. Not in a huge way, but it was on my mind more. I usually don’t think much about it but it’s hard to avoid these days.

    For what it’s worth, I agree with Tom. Chemistry can happen with the wrong people. Sometimes the attraction is strong because the other person is exactly wrong for somebody.  I don’t understand it but I know it has been true in my life.

    I believe my life has been enough of a dumpster fire I’m qualified to say the following: At the risk of sounding preachy I have to say it’s never good when one’s description of a person, especially one with whom an intimate relationship is likely, contains the phrase “He just got out of prison…”.

     

     

     

    #6123

    Belle – if a man ever says the words “You complete me” – He is a waste of space. If you ever think he does – he does not. You are already “complete”. People will either be a positive influence in your life or a negative poison. Abusers are weak people. They are immature. The only strength they feel is when they are controlling someone else. They know no different. Sometimes they don’t even know they are abusing someone. They have assumed their “victim” likes the way they are being treated.  But fuck all the psychology of it, expert or amateur as it does not matter. Abusers are toxic. If you can spot them then you can avoid them. Expecting them to have changed is a mistake. If a snake bites you twice the second bite is not the cure for the first one….a line this amateur psychologist just made up.

    #6124

    _Robert_
    Participant

    #6126

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @strega

    what was he in prison for, if it’s not too personal a question?

    I don’t know honestly but he’s been in and out of prison most of his life. He’s 43, and he’s spent 22 years locked up…you do the math…I know for a fact a lot of it is related to drug use, theft, etc and all that comes with that lifestyle. He allegedly tried to kill his ex-wife.

    #6127

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @diane

    At the risk of sounding preachy I have to say it’s never good when one’s description of a person, especially one with whom an intimate relationship is likely, contains the phrase “He just got out of prison…”

    I know…and that’s really the fucked up part. I KNOW BETTER! And yet I always seem to do stupid shit like this. Truly…I’m EXACTLY like my biological grandma, (His Mom… and my biological Mom’s Mom…). I mean…JUST like her. And honestly………………..It may sound strange to you. But it’s a HUGE relief to finally know that. To finally know where I came from and what I’m made of. Honestly it’s made me stronger.There’s so much more that I wish I could say but I’m afraid to, lol so I’ll leave it at that. But let’s just say I think I’ve learned to dance with wolves and not get bitten.

    #6128

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @regthefronkeyfarmer

    Abusers are toxic. If you can spot them then you can avoid them.

    At risk of sounding…..really sick and twisted….what if I have become the toxic one? That’s how I feel right now. I think all of these years of bullshit has turned me into a monster and it’s….terrifying.

    #6130

    @bellerose – If you were, then you would not be asking such questions. We all know you are not.

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