One week out from retina surgery

[Daniel W.Participant]

Yesterday was the follow up appointment with the eye surgeon who did emergency repair of my detached retina.  It was emergency, because once it starts detaching, it can basically zipper the rest of the way off, potentially causing permanent blindness.

Postop care involves maintaining a specific position in bed, almost 24/7.  I have 2 more days remaining of that.

Vision is returning in that eye.  It’s sort of like wearing goggles and slowly rising out of the water.  Vision above the water level is quite clear and bright.  At the water level is shimmering irridescence.  Below that is like heavily frosted glass.  Each day, that water level is a little lower.

The enforced bed rest has given me a chance to ponder some things.  My 20 year relationship has had some emotional upheaval, which I hope will ultimately make us stronger and more caring and honest, if unconventional.  It’s a difficult path.  My beloved dog, a reassuring, cheerful, happy and loving part of my life for 17 years and by my side continuously for the past 2 years, was suffering profoundly in his old age, and I had him euthanized 2 days before I noted the vision loss that anounced the retinal detachment.  I read about retinal detachments, of course.  The biggest risk of the other eye doing that, is the first one happening.  The surgeries work about 85% to 90% of the time.  I pondered thd worst case scenario – if the surgery does not take, then the other goes…  I think it would be time to call it a day.  Being honest with myself.  As it is, the surgery appears to have been very successful.

During this bed rest, I watched videos, did crosswords, and read, but also got a different podcast app – overcast – that is easier to use than the Iphone podcast app, and downloaded lots of interesting podcast series.  So far, my favorite, by far, is Sam Harris’ “Waking up” series, especially an episode “Is Buddhism True”.  It starts with some discussion regarding free will, which I’m not that interested in, but then delves deeply into neurophysiolgy, evolutionary psychology, and benefits of meditation.  I will replay that one again.

I also downloaded a meditation app.  I long resisted meditation, which often seems to cross into woowoo.  However, neurological benefits have been shown, and physiological changes have been shown on MRI. In the right situation, meditation is more effective at pain management, than opiates.   The app I chose is called “Headspace”, and despite me being a hard core science empiricist, I do sense a modest subjective benefit.

So that’s Jan 2018.  I hope the rest of the year is less eventful, by far.  And I really miss my dog.

Please pardon typos.  Big fingers, little keypad, one eye, typing sideways on tablet while in weird position, not getting younger.  Photo shows my pupils.  For some reason, this program loads photos sideways.

 

 

 

• This topic was modified 7 years ago by  Daniel W..

[JadeBlackOliveParticipant]

So glad things seem to be headed towards a successful outcome, Daniel, but very sad to hear about your wonderful dog.

I have been diagnosed with macular degeneration, & am none to happy with that. So far, not much symptom wise & am taking the prescribed vitamins, wearing surround sunglasses to go out & have computer glasses as well. My appointment next month will update me on progress.

Your meditation app sounds like a great idea, but I also find the same thing with Tai Chi type music softly playing in headphones.

Lookin’ good, even sideways!

Patricia

[David BootsParticipant]

Sounds scary. I dont see anything wrong with sitting back and seeing where you are in life.

[StregaModerator]

I also read about the benefits of meditation – however, I get stuck and impatient with the ’empty your mind’ direction.  @danielw are you saying there are apps and things that make this mind-emptying thing easier?  Or even obsolete?  I’d be very interested in what you’ve found.

[Daniel W.Participant]

@strega, the app I have been using is called Headspace. There are other apps, but they seem too woowoo or trendy or social networky so far (like “200 people are meditating with you now!”)  Headspace seems more basic, contemplative, and nonwoowoo.  I have felt more settled and peaceful while using it so far.

Meditation would be a good discussion topic, I think.  The science, the resources, separating fad from reality, etc.  Ditto for secular/atheistic Buddhism.  Sam Harris is into both.  Sometimes I think he’s touching on woo and sometimes I think he’s really scientific and objective.  On Sam Harris’ podcasts there are some relevant interviews.

 

The app that I didn’t like was called Insight Timer.  I also looked at Buddhafy and I am not sure about that one.  Headspace seems much better.

 

• This reply was modified 7 years ago by  Daniel W..

[PopeBeanieModerator]

I’m a believer in meditation, even before getting into it much, although my first impression decades ago was very negative because of the woo that most people cultivated for it. I’d rate myself at the bottom rung now, just taking what I think is the essence of it, in a way that fits my personal ideas about consciousness, subconsciousness, emotions, and the like. I just call it “refocusing” or “recentering”, because all I’m doing is relaxing and trying not to focus on any agenda, but trying instead just to observe whatever might bubble up on it’s own, unexpectedly.

For me, it’s nurturing a nonjudgmental  “observation” of my inner self, whatever that is, regardless of what I discover. I think it’s consistent with some of the training, at least at a surface level, and I’ll always be skeptical when I hear anyone tell me how it “should” be done.

I did that this morning in only a few minutes, in fact, and it helped me remember (immediately afterwards!) what I felt was most important for me to accomplish today. In fact I’m just noticing right now in a public library how I’m still carrying with me more of a non-judgmental and less stressful outlook in which used to often be a stressful environment for me.

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

I once heard meditation described as effortless concentration, the ability to allow thoughts to float into the mind (as they do) without paying attention to them. Try to “listen” to your breathing when you find yourself “watching” a thought.

[Daniel W.Participant]

Some times when I try to remember the name of  someone from the remote past, either someone I knew personally, or a politician or actor, I just cant recall.  Maybe I get as far as “I think it starts with a b” or “It sounds like…”.  But no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember.

Then, sometimes several days later, I’ll be driving or something, and that name just pops into my head.  And I had forgotten that I was even trying to remember it.  Or I’ll wake up and say the name.

That’s a little bit how I look at meditation, or mindfulness.  It’s letting go of the effort, and the drive to accomplish, and just letting the thoughts take care of themselves.  Not magical just an alternative, not entirely cognitive, way to think.  It also gives me a sense of peace for a while, which is nice.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by  Daniel W..

[StregaModerator]

Genie:- ok, what’s your third wish?

Dude:- wait what happened to my three wishes?  Surely it’s three wishes, it’s always three wishes.

Genie:- you had your first wish, then you screamed, then your second wish was to completely forget everything that happened for your first wish.  So here we are.  Third wish?

Dude:- I want to know what goes on in a woman’s mind, how they think, everything.

Genie:- OK. BAZAMMMMM!  (Funny, that was your first wish too)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

• This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by  Strega.

[David BootsParticipant]

Why would you waste a wish on wanting to know what a woman thinks? They think what they are told to think dont they?

[StregaModerator]

Update. So, @danielw I’ve downloaded Headspace and done Day 1 of the session. I didn’t know it was going to be an English accented voice directing me – living here in the states, I miss English accents and it made it so much easier for me to want to listen.  And I actually achieved following the directions and messing with my concentration – much to my surprise.

My home is a fairly hectic place, so it’s going to be a challenge to find a regular place and time, but now I’ve tried Day 1, I feel I’m going to achieve that challenge and look forward to Day 2.

I had actually written off meditation as not being something my mind wants to do, quite some years ago.  This is a very interesting project. I may not be as anomalous as I’d originally believed 🙂

[Daniel W.Participant]

@strega, thanks for the update!  I hope it continues to go well for you.  So far, meditation guided by the Headspace app has bee a good experience for me.   I thought my brain was not amenable to meditation, too.  It looks like I was wrong.  The low key approach really helps.

 

English voices tend to be soothing for me too.  And I grew up in the rural midwest.

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