The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Thread

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

In the spirit of “It’s Her Turn,” The Million Eyes of Sumaru gives a vision of global domination from a Female perspective. And in the spirit of gender equality, global domination is “not-so-fresh” when done by Femmes Fatales just it’s not Irish Spring “Clean As A Whistle” when done by Teststosterone and brawn!

The namesake of the movie, Sumaru (Shirley Eaton), seeks to rule the world by having her female devotees become wives and mistresses of the most powerful men in the world. She is seeking to ensnare an international business big-wig named President Boone (Klaus Kinski) and British MI-6: Agent Sir Anthony Baysbrooke (Wilfrid Alfred White) and Yank Agents Tommy Carter (Frankie Avalon) and Nick West (George Nader) gallavant from Rome to Hong Kong to foil Sumaru and her sultry and ruthless minion minxes.

Along the way, their encounters with Sumaru and her underlings show that “The Fairer, Softer Sex” is anything but those things in pursuit of a world in their dagger-nailed grips!

While the world is–for now–saved from a face stomped by a stilletto-heel forever, it is bookended by two signs that struggle isn’t over. First, the Mad Scientists invent the Mug of Doom that adds existential dread to your morning Java. To cap things off, a song of praise for Super-Villianesses by Mad Scientist Kinga Forester. In between, Hosts Jonah, Emily, and a returning Joel reveal that the Mad Scientists cannot hear messages communicated in rhyme. So the struggle continues…

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

This episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a many splendored thing for the thoughtful humor affictionado. Mad Scientist Kinga and Grandma Pearl go on a time-travelling vacation to Midieval Europe during the time of the Bubonic Plague. TV’s Max can’t stand the autonomy of running the Satellite of Love, Moon 13, and the Gizmoplex in the absence of Kinga.

Host Emily takes a 23&Me™ genetics test and discovers she is 2% Bot. (I’m thinking…Pacemaker?…Hearing Aid?…IUD with a processor chip? Funny. she doesn’t look Bot-ish!) Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo then welcome Emily to their “Tribe” and give her a Bot Mitzvah! Bot-zel Tov!

The Invention Exchange has two wonderful creations. Emily and the Bots present The Vin Diagram, named after Vin Diesel. Mega Synthia has a Duck-Shaped Duct Tape Dispenser.

In the main event movie The Batwoman, celebrity wrestlers in Mexico are being found dead in Acapulco Bay with their pineal gland fluid removed. Mexican Federal Bureau of Intelligence agent Mario Nobles and the Inspector narrows down a suspect, a Neurosurgeon named Dr. Eric Williams with a lab on his ship Reptilicus and sends billionaire Gloria in her alter ego as The Batwoman to investigate him.

It turns out that Dr. Williams is yet another Mad Scientist like Dr. Leopold Z. of The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, wanting to create a superior race of fish-people to take over the Earth/Universe, yada, yada, yada.

Dr. Williams send his minions to capture The Batwoman on his ship. When that fails, the Doctor puts a tracking device on The Batwoman’s cape so the first prototype fishman can hunt her. When this fails because The Batwoman removes her cape, Dr. Williams sends his minions to kidnap the Mario Nobles and The Inspector to lure The Batwoman to Reptilicus and make her become the Eve of this race of fish-people.

Why Mad Scientists are obsessed with fish-people is a mystery. Perhaps an attempt to return to an Atlantis they believe sank into the ocean. Whatever the reason, it does the reveal the folly of getting out of your lane.

During the Host Segments, Crow and Tom have evil genius plans to transform the next stage of human evolution by merging the body of Emily with a hummingbird, a Bichon Frise Poodle, or black or red panda. Emily uses a stunt prop, and a dose of free inquiry and objective reality to foil their plans and escape.

The next Host Segment is the Billionaire Vigilante’s Gala, where Emily and the Bots gad about and tell of their crime fighting exploits over champagne, perhaps to not-so-subtly take on Elon Musk and Peter Thiel.

In the final Host Segment, Emily and the Bots offer an Official Batwoman Franchise Starter Kit™🦇, so that even you can transition to become Batwoman. Mega Synthia is just naive enough to buy it.

One note about both The Batwoman and The Wild World of Batwoman</em neither of them are related to any of the Bat Characters of the DC Comic Canon except by coincidence. The characters are Bat-facing, but only a blasphemy in the realm of Comic-Cons. For lovers of silliness and cheesecake they are perfectly acceptable.

Enjoy with tubs of you favorite toppings for fish, Mexican cuisine, and cheesecake, won’t you?

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

Here, Crow T. Robot founds and announces a new organization that would be a boon to censors, propagandists, Pseudoscientists, and Revisionist Historians worldwide–The Film Anti-Preservationist Society:

As tempting as it may be to take up Crow’s suggestions with some really rotten films, videos, and DVDs, don’t!

And as peculiar as people may be who have old slide-show, Super 8, 16 Millimeter, and 35 Millimeter projectors, Reel-To-Reel Tape Recorders, 8-Track players, old Goldstar™ VCR TVs, and even GAF View-Masters™, don’t shun and exile them from humanity!

These ancient media and the sometimes strange people who love them are our contacts with the past, and we must know what the past was like–Claymation™ stop-action monster movies and all–to know how much we have progressed and to progress further in the future!

As Orwell warned in 1984: “Who controls the past, controls the future. Who controls the present, controls the past”.

Please, I abhor you! Don’t let our fate be at the mercy of Tik-Tokers, won’t you? Thank you!

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