The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Thread

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

In the spirit of “It’s Her Turn,” The Million Eyes of Sumaru gives a vision of global domination from a Female perspective. And in the spirit of gender equality, global domination is “not-so-fresh” when done by Femmes Fatales just it’s not Irish Spring “Clean As A Whistle” when done by Teststosterone and brawn!

The namesake of the movie, Sumaru (Shirley Eaton), seeks to rule the world by having her female devotees become wives and mistresses of the most powerful men in the world. She is seeking to ensnare an international business big-wig named President Boone (Klaus Kinski) and British MI-6: Agent Sir Anthony Baysbrooke (Wilfrid Alfred White) and Yank Agents Tommy Carter (Frankie Avalon) and Nick West (George Nader) gallavant from Rome to Hong Kong to foil Sumaru and her sultry and ruthless minion minxes.

Along the way, their encounters with Sumaru and her underlings show that “The Fairer, Softer Sex” is anything but those things in pursuit of a world in their dagger-nailed grips!

While the world is–for now–saved from a face stomped by a stilletto-heel forever, it is bookended by two signs that struggle isn’t over. First, the Mad Scientists invent the Mug of Doom that adds existential dread to your morning Java. To cap things off, a song of praise for Super-Villianesses by Mad Scientist Kinga Forester. In between, Hosts Jonah, Emily, and a returning Joel reveal that the Mad Scientists cannot hear messages communicated in rhyme. So the struggle continues…

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

This episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a many splendored thing for the thoughtful humor affictionado. Mad Scientist Kinga and Grandma Pearl go on a time-travelling vacation to Midieval Europe during the time of the Bubonic Plague. TV’s Max can’t stand the autonomy of running the Satellite of Love, Moon 13, and the Gizmoplex in the absence of Kinga.

Host Emily takes a 23&Me™ genetics test and discovers she is 2% Bot. (I’m thinking…Pacemaker?…Hearing Aid?…IUD with a processor chip? Funny. she doesn’t look Bot-ish!) Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo then welcome Emily to their “Tribe” and give her a Bot Mitzvah! Bot-zel Tov!

The Invention Exchange has two wonderful creations. Emily and the Bots present The Vin Diagram, named after Vin Diesel. Mega Synthia has a Duck-Shaped Duct Tape Dispenser.

In the main event movie The Batwoman, celebrity wrestlers in Mexico are being found dead in Acapulco Bay with their pineal gland fluid removed. Mexican Federal Bureau of Intelligence agent Mario Nobles and the Inspector narrows down a suspect, a Neurosurgeon named Dr. Eric Williams with a lab on his ship Reptilicus and sends billionaire Gloria in her alter ego as The Batwoman to investigate him.

It turns out that Dr. Williams is yet another Mad Scientist like Dr. Leopold Z. of The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, wanting to create a superior race of fish-people to take over the Earth/Universe, yada, yada, yada.

Dr. Williams send his minions to capture The Batwoman on his ship. When that fails, the Doctor puts a tracking device on The Batwoman’s cape so the first prototype fishman can hunt her. When this fails because The Batwoman removes her cape, Dr. Williams sends his minions to kidnap the Mario Nobles and The Inspector to lure The Batwoman to Reptilicus and make her become the Eve of this race of fish-people.

Why Mad Scientists are obsessed with fish-people is a mystery. Perhaps an attempt to return to an Atlantis they believe sank into the ocean. Whatever the reason, it does the reveal the folly of getting out of your lane.

During the Host Segments, Crow and Tom have evil genius plans to transform the next stage of human evolution by merging the body of Emily with a hummingbird, a Bichon Frise Poodle, or black or red panda. Emily uses a stunt prop, and a dose of free inquiry and objective reality to foil their plans and escape.

The next Host Segment is the Billionaire Vigilante’s Gala, where Emily and the Bots gad about and tell of their crime fighting exploits over champagne, perhaps to not-so-subtly take on Elon Musk and Peter Thiel.

In the final Host Segment, Emily and the Bots offer an Official Batwoman Franchise Starter Kit™🦇, so that even you can transition to become Batwoman. Mega Synthia is just naive enough to buy it.

One note about both The Batwoman and The Wild World of Batwoman</em neither of them are related to any of the Bat Characters of the DC Comic Canon except by coincidence. The characters are Bat-facing, but only a blasphemy in the realm of Comic-Cons. For lovers of silliness and cheesecake they are perfectly acceptable.

Enjoy with tubs of you favorite toppings for fish, Mexican cuisine, and cheesecake, won’t you?

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

Here, Crow T. Robot founds and announces a new organization that would be a boon to censors, propagandists, Pseudoscientists, and Revisionist Historians worldwide–The Film Anti-Preservationist Society:

As tempting as it may be to take up Crow’s suggestions with some really rotten films, videos, and DVDs, don’t!

And as peculiar as people may be who have old slide-show, Super 8, 16 Millimeter, and 35 Millimeter projectors, Reel-To-Reel Tape Recorders, 8-Track players, old Goldstar™ VCR TVs, and even GAF View-Masters™, don’t shun and exile them from humanity!

These ancient media and the sometimes strange people who love them are our contacts with the past, and we must know what the past was like–Claymation™ stop-action monster movies and all–to know how much we have progressed and to progress further in the future!

As Orwell warned in 1984: “Who controls the past, controls the future. Who controls the present, controls the past”.

Please, I abhor you! Don’t let our fate be at the mercy of Tik-Tokers, won’t you? Thank you!

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

There’s Bobby Brainworm’s and MAHA’s denial of The Germ Theory of Disease…

Then, there’s Bernie Sanders’ Socialistic disdain for the Bourgeois Capitalist choice of “23 kinds of deodorant”…

There are sundry and various Unabomber wannabes such as Anarcho-Primativists, Midievalist Romanticizers, and Eco-Wacko-ists who disdain the bath and shower…

There’s a “religion of peace” whose members ablute five times daily, but only for the self-debasement of prayer and who ruin their wash job with the dirty theocratic tyranny of Sharia Law and the bloody deeds of Jihad…

And finally. the latest Tic-Tok-ery crackpottery called “Pheromone Maxxing” (look it up on Forbes.com for a stomach-clearing epicac…)

Against them all, Trace Beaulieu (a.k.a. Mad Scientist Dr. Clayton Forester,) and Frank Conniff (a.k.a. Dr. Forester’s minion TV’s Frank,) have a MST3K spin-off show called The Mads Are Back!. And they present this classic short on Your Cleanliness with a fresh splash of humor.

Here, the Mads do right by preserving a vintage instructional on Civilization and Modernity against the Pig-Pens who would bring us into an Age that is both Dark and Dirty!

Enjoy in good health, won’t you?:

• This reply was modified 1 week ago by TheEncogitationer. Reason: Spelling

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

Today’s young skulls full of mush and geriatric-but-equal skulls full of mush would most likely view Escape 2000 as a cinematic prediction of The Gaza-Israeli War.

A closer look at the film reveals a much more complicated story.

First, this episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 begins when Crow T. Robot sets up a bogus charity and stupidly sets the Satellite Of Love on Fire.

Also Dr. Clayton Forester places his Mother Pearl Forester in a home, even though she has more of her faculties and even more evil tendencies than Mitch McConnell.

Later on in a host segment, Mike and Tom use a Bio-Feedback device to yet again set multiple fires in the Satellite Of Love, against Tom Servo’s debunking insults. Then, Dr. Forester tries unsuccessfully to bring cuteness to the program with Timmy Bobby Rusty.

Moreover, there are no stateless persons or colonizer settlers involved in the movie Escape 2000. No element of “race” or religion in the plot.

All persons portrayed are presumably U.S. Citizens and Citizens of New York State and New York City (albeit portrayed by U.S. and Italian Actors and with film production credits being predominantly Italians.). The atrocities and injustices in the movie are all forbidden by The U.S. Constitution, The Bill of Rights, and all enabling legislation.

The main villains are not the supposed Little Satan Apartheid Zionist Aggressor Israel. Rather, the main villains are a Fascist New York City Government and a Cronyist corporation, The General Construction Corporation headed by a Trumpian Mr. Clark. They team up to use accidents, epidemics, and a highly militarized and weaponized eminent domain by the Disinfestation Annihilation Squads to evict and kill off the Citizens of The Bronx.

MAGA, America First, the D.S.A., and the Red-Green Alliance would all be at home in such a world, but not Normies in favor of Enlightenment ideals.

The foil for these villains are another set of motley subcultured gang villains who live in the city sewers led by a charasmatic leader whom the Bots and Mike mistakenly call by the name “Toblerone.” Though “Toblerone” likes to laugh, he is no honey-sweet chocolate candy bar. Again, not for Normie Enlightenment types. Toblerone later makes an appearance at Gizmonic Institute and rescues Pearl Forester from her convalescent prison and whisks her off on a date.

The only real heroes of the movie end up as tragic heroes, the journalist Moon Grey and photographer Jay who expose the Government and G-2 atrocities. As Crow T. Robot smart-aleckly observes: “Rat-Woman is right! *HISS! HISS!*”. The main error of Journalist Moon Grey, aside from indiscretion, was that she used the word “Genocide” to describe the atrocities instead of the more precise and just as evil “Democide.”

There was one tragic child who knew how to rig explosive boobytraps, the son of crime overlord Strike, but at least he wasn’t brainwashed to see his highest aspiration as wearing dynamite and slaughtering Jews and other Kuffir to achieve Seventh Heaven. Fortunately, he was left to carry on, to carry on, and hopefully learn a better life than Daddy’s one day.

But the main distinction between this episode of Mystery Science Theater 300 and the Gaza-Israeli War is that no one either before or since has ever sang as great a cover of Journey’s song “Separate Ways” as Tom Servo! Majestic! If only everyone could join Tom in chorus, there would be no Gaza-Israeli Wars and the world would be a peaceful, free, friendly place!

So, come! Watch, sing along, and “Leave The Bronx!” whether you’re there or not, won’t you?

• This reply was modified 2 days, 1 hour ago by TheEncogitationer. Reason: Spacing and addendum

[TheEncogitationer]

Fellow Unbelievers:

Above, I accidentally typed in Mystery Science Theater 300 not 3000.. This was a mistake obviously. This would be more fitting for the time when Pearl, Professor BoBo, and “Brain Guy” Observer fell in a worm-hole and went to Roman times.

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