Love Never Fails

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This topic contains 23 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Simon Paynton 6 days, 21 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)
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  • #5673

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    What is your definition of love?

    #5674

    jakelafort
    Participant

    Pain waiting to happen

    #5675

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @jakelafort I’m guessing you have some unresolved childhood trauma

    #5676

    jakelafort
    Participant

    Nope…great childhood…

    Interesting though to take note just how much damage is done in childhood and the lifetime repercussions…it is alarming and seems to be a topic of little discussion

    #5678

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @jakelafort I just went to a training today with my foster parent agency. The woman hit the nail on the head and I got SO much out of it since I am parenting a boy with RAD….

    I won one of her books…

     

    Inside she signed it “love never fails.”

     

    I had a traumatic childhood and am still trying to figure out what love is. But today I’m closer than ever to figuring it out

    #5679

    jakelafort
    Participant

    Belle, what is RAD?

    It seems every woman i have ever known who described to me how she had been abused as a child is mentally ill. In researching the issue it turns out to be worse than my impressions formed through anecdotes.  Vulnerability to disease increases, to mental illness increases and life expectancy is reduced.

    So why is it in america that there is not a basic awareness of the above?

    And isn’t is odd how being abused by men makes women more apt to select a partner who will in turn abuse her and her children?

    #5680

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    @jakelafort don’t get me started lol I could go on all day on the issue.

    RAD is “reactive attachment disorder.”…

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder

    Trauma affects brain development. It also causes developmental delays. And people (not just women) who are abused have these holes in their development and a very skewed view of what “normal” is. I am 35 and there are parts of me that are still 15 (for example.)

    #5681

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    And isn’t is odd how being abused by men makes women more apt to select a partner who will in turn abuse her and her children?

    It is a cycle. I was abused from a young age and have never had a normal healthy relationship with anyone. It turns out that I too have elements of reactive attachment disorder from my adoption  and abuse growing up and I never realized it…until now.

    #5682

    jakelafort
    Participant

    Hope ya can eRADicate it.

    #5683

    Belle Rose
    Participant

    Hardy har har har lol

    #5684

    Simon Paynton
    Participant

    @bellerose – “What is your definition of love?

    – that’s a very interesting question.  For me, it’s “helping someone to thrive” and “being prepared to put someone before yourself”.  Both of these can also apply to “self-love”.

    #5685

    Simon Paynton
    Participant

    Also, to talk technical, as @davis pointed out, there’s a spectrum of conditionality of cooperation (or reciprocity) with “tit-for-tat” at one end, and “unconditional love (cooperation)” at the other.  Tit-for-tat would usually apply to casual or business relationships, while unconditional love is naturally at home in long-term relationships or families, for example.  It also exists where there is strong loyalty, for whatever reason.

    Each one carries its own kinds of behaviour.  This means that behaviour from unconditional love can be applied to casual relationships.

    Behaviour from tit-for-tat cooperation / reciprocity includes, “you have to earn it”, punishing, blaming, rejecting, strategic self-interest.  We see this justified distressingly often from religious people, which probably stems from the impersonal environment (large anonymous groups) in which organised religion began.

    Behaviour from unconditional love / cooperation includes, self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, empathy, educating, helping to succeed, forgiveness.  These come from the idea of a long-term relationship of shared goals and destiny, so, “what’s good for you is good for me”, “it’s in my interests to help you”.  But, we don’t have to be in this kind of relationship to employ this kind of behaviour – actually, it costs nothing and is very beneficial.  It was the norm for most of the history of human evolution, when we lived in small groups.  We can also see this behaviour exalted as the highest good, by Jesus etc.

    #5686

    Tom Sarbeck
    Participant

    @jakelafort: It seems every woman i have ever known who described to me how she had been abused as a child is mentally ill.

    Not mentally ill, jake. Experiencing post-traumatic stress. Which, btw, is no more a disorder than the immune response is.

    Do you want to get me started on that?

     

     

    #5687

    Tom Sarbeck
    Participant

    Simon, please consider moving tit-for-tit to the middle middle of your spectrum.

    At the end tit4tat formerly occupied, put sociopathy. It does exist and probably always has.

    #5688

    Tom Sarbeck
    Participant

    Belle, I won’t try to define love but will venture to say love happens when pain can bring understanding, not revenge.

     

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