Love your neighbor. Yeah right!

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

It started innocently enough—or so I thought. Sunday morning, with the scent of fresh coffee wafting through my kitchen, I heard it: a syrupy guitar riff accompanied by lyrics about salvation, redemption, and “walking with the Lord.” My renting neighbors ranting about their magical mystery man Jesus were at it again. Windows wide open, speakers pointed directly at my house, their “joyful noise” aimed at curing me of my atheism. I had twice politely asked them to refrain from such refrains but they continued, upping the volume each time.

I don’t search for any middle ground with theists. I could hear their rabid ringmaster raving to all his cohabiting puppets that Jesus had already saved them all!!

Well, except from me, that is.

2 am on Monday morning I am at their front door. I open the mailbox flap. I then commandeth their Alexa: Spotify, Volume 10, Motorhead.

No, I don’t know where the air-raid shelter is!

The following morning, I asked them to “please keep the noise down” as I need my sleep. They gave me a dirty look.

Don’t look at me like that you bunch of fuck wits. Do not ever call to my house again. Got it?

All quiet on the western front for the day.

2 am Tuesday morning “Alexa, Spotify, Volume 10, Dead Kennedys,

2 AM Wednesday morning. As they were starting to behave….

They called the police!! I told them to fuck off too as whatever they think this is, it is not a criminal matter. I am now developing a pain in my side from laughing so much.

5 AM Thursday morning.

I was thinking about asking Alexa to play some Jordan Peterson, but I have standards and that would be just too cruel and inhumane so I gave them a break on Friday night.

Sunday, 3AM.My final one for now, depending on their behavior.

They still have not figured out how this is happening. I guess it’s Satan at work.

[_Robert_Participant]

Thats the way. I had some that would let dogs bark for hours. I asked them to please stop several times. I was ignored. I setup 3kW PA gear with extra sub-bass on the edge of the property, aimed at their house. All covered in plastic sheeting in case of rain. Started with all sorts of psychological noise like sirens, screaming, chains, factory sounds for a couple of hours, then gave them a few hours of Yoko Ono and finally a six-hour loop of ‘stigmata’ by ministry. I must say, it has been very peaceful since.

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

Good. I have no problem with the concept of “Freedom of Religion”. But if someone has that, then I want my “Freedom from Religion”.  Stigmata for 6 hours?? Excellent! ‘My favorite weapon is the look in your eyes”……

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

I have had to give them a blast of Ministry. Time for a new world order around these parts. I will hack their home network if they don’t stop.  They still have a default password on their ISP modem. I will replace all instances of “Jesus” in their Word docs with “Satan”.

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

Reg the Fronkey Farmer wrote:

I have had to give them a blast of Ministry.

You’re having problems with religious nutcases?  What do they do?

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

Holy crap.  I read your OP.

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

What your neighbours hear

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

Before they went all out to cure me of my sickness we had a few conversations. But they got very annoyed when I kept asking them what it felt like to be an immortal, just like their God. They insisted they were not immortals.

“But you will be when you die, is that not the case?”

“Reg, what are you talking about???”

“You told me that you are saved and that means you will be granted eternity in Heaven. Is that not correct?”

“Well, Yes, it is what Jesus promised us”.

“OK, then what is the difference between ‘eternal life’ and ‘immortality’?”

This question often results in their facial expressions being contorted by their cognitive dissonance. They know the question is valid but the ‘promise of eternal life’ is the main reason they cling to the delusion in the first place. It would sound stupid (and rightly so) if they went around claiming to be immortals.

But great is their delusion. Their Master of Puppets has them knocking on doors all over the neighborhood. They still drop literature into my mailbox and I return the favor with invites to a explicit swingers party at the Mormons house nearby 🙂 (Alexa, Spotify, Volume 10, Deep Down and Dirty).

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

They probably think you’re demonic, and there’s a reward for your capture.

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

They probably think you’re demonic, and there’s a reward for your capture.

Just because I answer the front door with nothing on but a red gimp mask does not mean I am a Satanist. I guess my  cloven hooves are a giveaway though  🙂

[_Robert_Participant]

When I heard Ministry perform “Hezbollah” live in a dark nightclub in Miami, I knew they were a band for me. Say “Hi” to the immortals next door Reg.

[jakelafortParticipant]

I don’t understand why eternal life is ok but being immortal is not. Is it because gods are known as immortals, ancient Persians? Is there something in the connotation of immortal v eternal?

[Reg the Fronkey FarmerModerator]

We definitely won’t be friends in the morning after this wakes them up at volume 11.  Looking forward to the look of disgust. I now have access to their home network, from Moldova, of course.

[Belle RoseParticipant]

Next time you should blast R-E-S-P-E-C-T and “let it go” from Frozen, it’s a hard knock life from Annie, and then some hard core Korn, then Marilyn Manson in a loop and see what happens 😂

[Simon PayntonParticipant]

It’s a terrible thing to fall out with your neighbours.  Can you find a more amicable solution?  You’re never going to  be a Jehovah’s Witness, they’re never going to a Gwaar concert.

Maybe you can come to an understanding, where you don’t have to use music as a weapon.

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