I'm getting sick of hearing about #metoo
December 31, 2017 at 12:28 pm #6927December 31, 2017 at 2:17 pm #6931
Tom, I like that thought. When people I don’t know infuriate me, it’s something I can only fix within myself. No, I don’t hear about the #metoo activity often either.
Bellen, regarding triggers, my wife lost her son to brain cancer many years ago. He was 5. When the St Jude commercials come on, with little kids with no hair pleading for money, it’s a terrible trigger for her. I have my hand close to the remote so I can mute it immediately and talk about nonsense to her until it’s over. I’m not expecting the comercial not to air. We can only address the trigger from our side of the tv screen.December 31, 2017 at 4:40 pm #6932
I don’t think the #MeToo campaign is just about cases of rape or serious sexual assault. It is also (but not only) about giving a space to victims of sexual harassment in the workplace. It does not matter if that workplace is Hollywood or the canteen at Office Depot. It is not that men are pretending we “all didn’t know”. It is just that most of us men have not had a real conversation about it.
Any and all forms of the sexual harassment of women should be discussed and kept in the limelight. Keeping it highlighted will keep the conversation going. Almost every woman I know has had to deal with some form of male predatory abuse at some point in their life, often more than once and to varying degrees of severity. I know some who are survivors of violent rape and who, in their own words, would say it is mostly all in the past, even if it occasionally surfaces. They now live “normal” lives. I know others that were sexually assaulted but who were not raped that have had great difficulties coping with the shame and humiliation they suffered by those “lesser crimes”.
I don’t see the sexual assault or harassment of women as a “woman only” issue. It is a man’s problem too. Men are now becoming more involved in the conversation. Men need to challenge each other change the culture where such behavior is seen as criminal and pathetic. The men who commit these crimes are weak men even if they hold positions of power.
It needs to stay in the foreground until the conversation gets to a place where men will understand that such behavior will not be tolerated and behaviors change. Men need to know that they are likely now to be called out and no longer likely to get away with it. It won’t suddenly stop sexual predators but it might make the workplace a safer place for women.
I am all for keeping the campaign going. If it empowers women and allows those that thought they were alone to find help or reach closure and move on with their lives, then great. I believe them all and I do not see any of it as trivial, no matter how long ago it was. It is a start to creating a better society for all. It is one thing for women to know that they no longer have to be silent. It is a better thing that men come to understand that women will not be silent or be silenced.December 31, 2017 at 5:50 pm #6934
@Reg what I don’t see is ANY men speaking up about it. Why don’t we see a campaign of men saying #Imsorry. THEN I think we are really getting somewhere. Men saying “you know what I did wrong and I’m sorry and THIS is how I’m going to change…”…
Honestly I don’t think men are well educated on the subject in a lot of places. At least where I grew up men take liberties ALL the time. I really don’t see the #metoo campaign changing anything for people in the ghetto. I would really like to see MEN talk more openly about these issues.
I don’t know, all I know is I look at CNN a lot because they are not as fake news as fox and it seems like every fucking day there’s something or someone…yeah I guess it’s a good thing. Yeah I guess it’s triggering. Yeah I guess it’s my problem. But it reminds me of when I stopped going to my support group. I came to realize after going for about 2ish years that every week it was like a complain fest. The men who hurt us weren’t in the room and most of them were doing GREAT. We were the ones sitting there wallowing in self pity. It was keeping us down. So I stopped going. Occasionally I go back when things get really bad but I haven’t been back in about a year. I talk about things with my therapist but I’m thinking about kicking her to the curb too. Because I think she’s making me sick. Not better. I think she has become part of my problem. At some point these people, myself included have to find a way to get the fuck over it. The men sure Have! They are all doing just fine and dandy while we are all doingbad.com. That means those men STILL are having power and control because they are still hurting us even long after the fact. Fuck that. Yeah I’m angry. I’m really fucking angry. I’ve never been an angry person at all. I’ve been a fucking doormat. And now I see clearly. I see that the ONLY WAY this is going to change is if MEN are at the forefront talking about it. Not women. It IS a men’s problem. But #metoo is nothing but a complain fest from a bunch of women trying to get recognized as victims. Reg you are right. We are ALL fucking victims. We all have varying degrees of hurt from it. My therapist reminded me last week that I have “severe clinical PTSD from it.” But then she goes on to tell me that things that are really missing me off about my son’s educational situation (totally UNRELATED) she says “Oh that’s your trauma talking.” So now everything that makes me mad is now my “trauma talking”?,? Nah fuck that. I’m angry because my SON is being denied HIS rights to a good healthy normal education and I’m too poor to fight the system. So he is stuck basically unable to go to school. And if people want to say it’s my trauma talking that makes me angrier. Because I’m not trying to wallow in self pity anymore. I’m trying to move the fuck on and be normal. But society from every angle isn’t letting me do that. My son has trauma too and no one fucking cares. He is suffering too…December 31, 2017 at 8:04 pm #6936
I believe you’re doing the right thing (the most effective) by educating your son at home. Some people just don’t fit into school, and why should they?December 31, 2017 at 8:43 pm #6937
The thing is that let’s be honest. Nothing that is happening right now is moving the needle towards the reform needed within the criminal justice system. THAT is where we should be focusing our efforts. Not giving pedestal to all these attention seeking rich bitches.December 31, 2017 at 8:46 pm #6938
Men saying “you know what I did wrong and I’m sorry and THIS is how I’m going to change…”…
Yes, but it will not happen overnight. It is campaigns like #MeToo that are allowing the conversation to begin. I agree it is long overdue but if it forces predators and harassers to stop and think about their actions then I hope the campaign will continue. It would be a shame if it ends in a whimper by getting ignored by the media.
I know for a fact men are talking openly about these issues. It may not be in everywhere but it has started. That is where the campaign should be targeted. Hopefully it will lead to better education programs and a decrease in the macho man culture of weak men.
I think your counselor is wrong to keep “reminding” you that you have “severe clinical PTSD” or “that’s your trauma talking”. It sounds very unprofessional to me. I would double check her qualifications and make sure she did not get a “this weeks’ Woo” qualification. I have successfully closed down some “medical centres” by informing local people of how bullshit their qualifications were. Past Life Regression? Get on your horse and get the f**k out of town.December 31, 2017 at 8:46 pm #6939
And men need to actually parent their sons so they don’t grow up to be assholes. No one’s talking about that.December 31, 2017 at 9:05 pm #6940
It sounds very unprofessional to me. I would double check her qualifications and make sure she did not get a “this weeks’ Woo” qualification.
No she’s got all the qualifications. But what bothers me is that she talks a LOT about herself and uses it as examples for me and then tries to tell me what to do. Like when I said I wanted to stop one of the teams helping me she told me not to and then when I said I just wanted to say fuck everybody and pull out of all of these so called programs that are supposed to help us but ARENT she says that’s my trauma talking.
Anyway…Honestly I don’t think men in the ghetto are being reached by this so called campaign/complain fest.December 31, 2017 at 9:06 pm #6941
It will end up being just one more thing that never reaches the ghetto.December 31, 2017 at 9:06 pm #6942
Maybe rich men are talking about it. But that’s it.December 31, 2017 at 9:07 pm #6943
Sorry I’m really heated over this issue because it really pisses me off.December 31, 2017 at 9:08 pm #6944
You are totally correct to mention the judicial system. In Ireland, the judges upon convicting someone of a sex crime, have improved the sentencing compared to a decade ago. When they were seen as too lenient or made excuses for the crime there was (and still is) a very robust public backlash which gets proper media coverage. Often the sentence is increased upon appeal. Victims and survivors can make impact statements before the sentence is passed and children can “video-link” their presence in court. The cases are now given the gravitas they deserve. But still a way to go…..December 31, 2017 at 9:10 pm #6945
Yes, but it will not happen overnight.
Why not? It’s not rocket science. Men have a brain and a mouth and they can communicate these things. It’s not really hard. When you hear the letter “N” connected with the letter “O” that word means “NOOOO” and if a woman says “NO” there’s this really funny thing you do. It’s called “STOP” You now the BIG RED SIGN you see that has 8 sides when you’re driving? It’s when you slam on the brakes of your car so you dont create an accident? Well that’s what you do with your dick and your hand. You STOP…..
C’mon a three year old could understand that.December 31, 2017 at 9:13 pm #6946
I think the real problem is most men still really don’t give a fuck. They really dont.
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