JOKES!!

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This topic contains 41 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  _Robert_ 1 week, 6 days ago.

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  • #26439

    Ivy
    Participant

    What is your funniest joke? It can be anything….

    Here’s one my son told me that for a kid I thought was hysterical lol…

     

    Why didn’t the seagull cross the bay?….

    (drumroll,..,,)

    Because it would become a BAY GULL (Bagel)…

    Get it? Hahahaha!!!

    #26440

    Ivy
    Participant

    Why did the chicken cross the road?…..

    To get to the idiot’s house…

    Knock Knock…

    Who’s there?

    The Chicken…

    #26442

    Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

    He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

    He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

    Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

    Emo Philips.

    #26443

    Another one of his:

    “So I’m in Jerusalem at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.”

    #26444

    Ivy
    Participant

    A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!” A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.'” The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.” The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.” He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!”

    #26445

    Simon Paynton
    Participant

    lolll

    #26446

    _Robert_
    Participant

    What is your funniest joke? It can be anything…. Here’s one my son told me that for a kid I thought was hysterical lol… Why didn’t the seagull cross the bay?…. (drumroll,..,,) Because it would become a BAY GULL (Bagel)… Get it? Hahahaha!!!

    The way I heard this joke is “if a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?” So many people just look puzzled, their SAT scores probably less than stellar.

    #26447

    _Robert_
    Participant

    They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

    #26448

    Ivy
    Participant

    @robert oh yeah that makes sense! I’ve told this joke to a lot of people and most of them have laughed. The one group of people who I don’t think completely got it was a group of police officers at the restaurant I work at lol. That or they were too manly to laugh at a joke like that lol

    #26449

    Ivy
    Participant

    @robert does that mean I’m flamboyant, creative and particular?

    #26450

    Unseen
    Participant

    I know a joke where the setup is almost funnier than the punchline. Here goes…

    What is the difference between a epileptic oyster-shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

    The oyster shucker shucks between fits.

    #26451

    Unseen
    Participant

    Show me a homosexual cowboy and I’ll show you a gay caballero.

    #26454

    Davis
    Participant

    A lesbian vampire hits on a straight vampire girl and after some drinks and a little dancing they go to her place and have a one night stand. The next morning the “straight” girl says: “Wow, you’ve opened up a whole new world for me. That was amazing. I like you a lot and hope we can meet up again” to which the lesbian vampire responded quite carefully: “Yeah. I guess. Tell you what, here is my number. Give me a call in about 4 weeks” …..

    (it may take a little bit of thinking before you figure this one out)

    #26522

    daughterofkarl
    Participant

    A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

    Bartender says, “What is this?  Some kind of joke?”

     

    Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

    He had a chicken stapled to his face.

     

    How many punk rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two.  One to screw the bulb in, and one to kick the chair out from under him.

     

    How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

     

    How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Oy.  Don’t bother.  I’ll just sit here in the dark.

     

    Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”

    #26523

    _Robert_
    Participant

    Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was assaulted.

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