JOKES!!

[Davis]

Who is up for some dead baby jokes? They’re my favourites but some of my friends plug their ears and go “la la la la la”.

[Belle Rose]

@Davis I’ll be going la la la….my sister just suffered a horrible still birth and the hospital sent her home with a dead baby and said “good luck.” We may as well be living in a third world country. Burying the baby today

[Belle Rose]

If you know any medical malpractice lawyers please send them my way!!!!

[Unseen]

Everybody has to believe something.

 

(long pause)

 

I believe I’ll have another beer.

[Glen D]

MY favourite joke, a true story actually, as told to me by my mum.

At 4 I went to kindergarten.

One day we were doing finger painting.

Teacher said to me: ” My goodness Glen! You’re very busy, what  are you paining?”

Me :”I’m painting a picture of God”

Teacher .” But no one knows what god looks like”

Me: “They will in a minute”

 

[_Robert_]

• What does Moby Dick like to eat? Fish and ships.
• Never trust an atom. They make up everything
• Why were the electron and proton released from jail? The judge dismissed all the charges.

 

 

[Glen D]

At a suicide bombers training camp.

The instructor says:

” Right lads, stand back and pay close attention. I’m only going to show you this once———-

 

(with apologies to Billy Connolly)

[Glen D]

Young Glen ,age 5, is at the mall, all alone, crying his eyes out.

A rent -a-cop comes up; “What’s the matter sonny?”

Glen (blubbering): ” I’ve lost my grandpa!”

Rent-a- cop : “Oh my goodness, what’s he like?”

Glen: “Cuban cigars ,single malt scotch and women with big tits”

 

[Glen D]

A father, mother and baby tomato were walking along the pavement. Baby falls behind. Father turns around, punches him, squashing him, and says  ” catch up!”

[Glen D]

I really like smart, clever  TV ads. Below are some favourite beer commercials.

 

[Glen D]

The one Reg told the rabbit and  toasties reminded me of this one;

Surgeon George Abernathy stops by his favourite bar on his way home every night. The bar is owned and run by his friend Richard Thomas.

Each night, the surgeon has his favourite cocktail, an almond daiquiri.

This particular night, Richard is out of almonds, so he substitutes hickory.

George takes one sip, splutters, and asks ; “Is this an almond daiquiri Dick?’

 

 

 

 

Dick; ” no, it’s a hickory daiquiri doc”.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Glen D.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Glen D.

[Davis]

What is green and smells like pork???

[daughterofkarl]

Ivy wrote:

@davis I’ll be going la la la….my sister just suffered a horrible still birth and the hospital sent her home with a dead baby and said “good luck.” We may as well be living in a third world country. Burying the baby today

I know we don’t know each other, Ivy. But, I am so very sorry. I can’t imagine a pain deeper than the loss of a child. My sincere sympathy to your sister and your family.

[Belle Rose]

@Glen D lmfao!!!!!!

[Reg the Fronkey Farmer]

In my “toastie” joke above, it turns out we now know who made the first ever toastie:

[Author]

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