JOKES!!

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This topic contains 41 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  _Robert_ 1 week, 3 days ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 42 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #26524

    Davis
    Participant

    Who is up for some dead baby jokes? They’re my favourites but some of my friends plug their ears and go “la la la la la”.

    #26532

    Ivy
    Participant

    @davis I’ll be going la la la….my sister just suffered a horrible still birth and the hospital sent her home with a dead baby and said “good luck.” We may as well be living in a third world country. Burying the baby today

    #26533

    Ivy
    Participant

    If you know any medical malpractice lawyers please send them my way!!!!

    #26539

    Unseen
    Participant

    Everybody has to believe something.

     

    (long pause)

     

    I believe I’ll have another beer.

    #26784

    Glen D
    Participant

    MY favourite joke, a true story actually, as told to me by my mum.

    At 4 I went to kindergarten.

    One day we were doing finger painting.

    Teacher said to me: ” My goodness Glen! You’re very busy, what  are you paining?”

    Me :”I’m painting a picture of God”

    Teacher .” But no one knows what god looks like”

    Me: “They will in a minute”

     

    #26794

    _Robert_
    Participant
    • What does Moby Dick like to eat? Fish and ships.
    • Never trust an atom. They make up everything
    • Why were the electron and proton released from jail? The judge dismissed all the charges.

     

     

    #26868

    Glen D
    Participant

    At a suicide bombers training camp.

    The instructor says:

    ” Right lads, stand back and pay close attention. I’m only going to show you this once———-

     

    (with apologies to Billy Connolly)

    #26869

    Glen D
    Participant

    Young Glen ,age 5, is at the mall, all alone, crying his eyes out.

    A rent -a-cop comes up; “What’s the matter sonny?”

    Glen (blubbering): ” I’ve lost my grandpa!”

    Rent-a- cop : “Oh my goodness, what’s he like?”

    Glen: “Cuban cigars ,single malt scotch and women with big tits”

     

    #26890

    Glen D
    Participant

    A father, mother and baby tomato were walking along the pavement. Baby falls behind. Father turns around, punches him, squashing him, and says  ” catch up!”

    #26891

    Glen D
    Participant

    I really like smart, clever  TV ads. Below are some favourite beer commercials.

     

    #26990

    Glen D
    Participant

    The one Reg told the rabbit and  toasties reminded me of this one;

    Surgeon George Abernathy stops by his favourite bar on his way home every night. The bar is owned and run by his friend Richard Thomas.

    Each night, the surgeon has his favourite cocktail, an almond daiquiri.

    This particular night, Richard is out of almonds, so he substitutes hickory.

    George takes one sip, splutters, and asks ; “Is this an almond daiquiri Dick?’

     

     

     

     

    Dick; ” no, it’s a hickory daiquiri doc”.

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by  Glen D.
    • This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by  Glen D.
    #26993

    Davis
    Participant

    What is green and smells like pork???

    #26994

    daughterofkarl
    Participant

    @davis I’ll be going la la la….my sister just suffered a horrible still birth and the hospital sent her home with a dead baby and said “good luck.” We may as well be living in a third world country. Burying the baby today

    I know we don’t know each other, Ivy. But, I am so very sorry. I can’t imagine a pain deeper than the loss of a child. My sincere sympathy to your sister and your family.

    #26999

    Ivy
    Participant

    @Glen D lmfao!!!!!!

    #27000

    In my “toastie” joke above, it turns out we now know who made the first ever toastie:

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 42 total)

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