Deus ADDy

Simon Paynton wrote:
It sounds like the guy didn’t know he was hurting people by ghosting them, when he should have done, because he was. Maybe British people are used to it, it’s normal to them, so they expect it. He had a failure of empathy (cognitive perspective-taking) driven by a lack of empathic concern (caring). He should have cared eno…

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It sounds like the guy didn’t know he was hurting people by ghosting them, when he should have done, because he was.  Maybe British people are used to it, it’s normal to them, so they expect it.

He had a failure of empathy (cognitive perspective-taking) driven by a lack of empathic concern (caring).  He should have cared enough about someone he w…[Read more]

Pope, you definitely touched on a genuine aspect of why ghosting is so easy. For some people it does require flexing unflexed muscles. In my work, we have to use extreme care with everyword and put significant thought into how we phrase things. This is the opposite of typical locker room talk, where in my icehockey changeroom every ginger is…[Read more]

Thanks for all your replies. I would say that you don’t have to be specific when letting someone down. In your trans case, just tell the person you’re sorry for wasting their time, you aren’t feeling it and wish them the best.

To give you an idea of how prevalent ghosti g is in Scotland, I had chatted with a lad for 5 weeks, almost daily.…[Read more]

In the context of this group, and your topic, specific question and my experience, I don’t think much in terms of valence wrt morality or what’s “wrong”. I focus on improving my recognition and employment of empathy, which has been a decades long process for me. I’d say that empathy plus objectivity, together with limitations on expectations and…[Read more]

I’ve not yet read other responses, to give my most unbiased opinion. Although I’m sure I’m a cultural outlier, I’m also fairly sure that my affinity to bonding with friends, and my level of empathy for strangers lie near the end of a human scale that goes from “really want it and need it, and take this personally” to “meh, I’m not into it and to…[Read more]

TheEncogitationer wrote:
Oh, and “ghosting” bills you’ve voluntarily assumed is a shit move, especially with Medical professionals who are oath-bound to “First, do no harm” and to sustain human life.

At least make payment arrangements and pay what little you can until it’s all knocked out. No debt lasts to infinity unless you never pay it.

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_Robert_ wrote:
At any given time, I’d say 20% of daters get about 80% of the action. The people everyone wants to be with. They will ghost you and not even think about.

I once saw a piece about a guy who claimed to have sex with different women several times a week. His secret: Just hang out, develop a quick rapport, and ask them up front, “…[Read more]

Fellow Unbelievers,

Oh, and “ghosting” bills you’ve voluntarily assumed is a shit move, especially with Medical professionals who are oath-bound to “First, do no harm” and to sustain human life.

At least make payment arrangements and pay what little you can until it’s all knocked out. No debt lasts to infinity unless you never pay it.

At any given time, I’d say 20% of daters get about 80% of the action. The people everyone wants to be with. They will ghost you and not even think about.

I ghosted a few girls early on, but the town was too small, and it came back to me. So better just to give them the good news, LOL.

Fellow Unbelievers,

If it’s just incompatibility about goals, itenerary, chemistry, or styles, then, yes, courtesy and forthright communication is a good way to deal with breaking up and going separate ways.

However, if someome does something that wrecklessly or deliberately deceives and harms you, you have no obligation to “telegraph your…[Read more]

Davis wrote:
In this scenario, are you maybe doing something rude but not morally wrong? Or is it wrong?

I don’t think you can extricate the answer to that question from the context. Let’s see what I mean with a few examples. How would you analyze these hypotheticals if I behaved in these ways?

I come in contact with a woman through a dating…[Read more]

Davis wrote:
In this scenario, are you maybe doing something rude but not morally wrong? Or is it wrong?

It’s reasonable to politely ask to be treated as a human being, and not an ant or a fly.  If nothing else, it might improve the other person’s behaviour in the future.

In my version of evolutionary ethics, ghosting would come under the category of “unnecessary harm”.  Most of the time, people could take the time to let someone down gently and using words rather than ghosting.  So they don’t need to be causing this harm by ghosting.  They are able to give benefit rather than harm, and what’s more, they have a re…[Read more]

Encoginator, you are assuming that life would develop on other planets the same way that it does here. The development of life is disinterested in our happiness or suffering and any mechanism which ensures the continuation of life will be ruthlessly utilised including the terrible byproduct of suffering. If life can continue, even with immense…[Read more]

PopeBeanie,

You wrote:

Q2: That one’s tougher, like the trolly car conundrum. I’m basically utilitarian by nature, so I’d probably say yes, move aside you miserable lot, but not loudly enough for them to hear it or anything that’s coming before we eliminate them. (There’s still a we here, in on this decision together, right?)

This reminds me. …[Read more]