Anna
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@Simon. Yes that is exactly what I thought.
She was always feeling isolated living abroad (she still does not speak the language very well although she spent 10+ years there) and additionally she lost two very close familiars in one single year. I was trying to be there for her, calling frequently, asking how she was feeling etc. I couldn’t be there physically for her on daily basis because I live in another country.
I imagine that after these two deaths and feeling isolated she developed a strong need to belong. I can understand that perfectly. There is nothing wrong with that. I would even encourage her to look for a church meetings or something similar knowing that it made her feel better. I am an atheist but I can understand those human needs. But instead she chose to stop talking to me.
I completely accept her way of living and her new beliefs (although I don’t agree with them) but cannot understand that she stopped accepting me and just threw away a lifetime of experiences we were sharing. I cannot even help her in case she is depressed because she won’t talk to me.
I suppose I know that this is the end of our friendship but it still hurts very much.
Don’t get me wrong I can perfectly assume friendships drifting away. I’ve been moving a lot and I made new friends every time and let friends go in many different places for many different reasons. I’ve lived in six different cities in four different countries, using five different languages for the past 15 years. But this one…this was one of the very few friendships that stayed strong throughout my life. And now it’s gone.
Thank you all for hearing me.
Something like this happened to me recently. My all time best friend stopped talking to me after converting to hardcore catholicism (hardcore meaning she now believes Earth is 6k years old and evolution is a scam invented by scientists against the word of the Lord). We became best friends in primary school when we were both 7 years old. We are in our 40’s now. We were always present in our lives, even after moving to other countries (we were living abroad, each one in different country for the last 15 years). We were skyping frequently, we were speaking for more than an hour everytime, laughing, crying like best friends do. In some sense we were closer than ever because of our experience of living abroad. We were living in different countries so we both longed for our family and friends. I genuinely thought this would last forever, that we will get old and still be friends. She visited me with her husband and child who is almost the same age as mine, they were getting along great! We spent one week together, talking, cooking together, everything was great. I was really sad when she was gone. I started a new work and moved to another city.
Then I noticed that for some time she stopped initiating contact. It was always me asking her how she was doing, always me asking to Skype her etc. But once talking with her there was no problem at all. It lasted for maybe two years. Our conversations started to be less frequent and it was always me initiating them. There one day, she asked if she can Skype me. I was so happy. There were things I wanted to tell her, nice things, so I said of course. She called me and out of nowhere started to shout at me. She said that my life is garbage that she cannot understand how can I get up in the morning and not commit suicide. She said that she read the Bible and now she is a believer and she is concerned for my soul. She said that if I do not convert I will burn in hell. She started attacking my work (I am a scientist) saying that all scientists are liars that invent ways to speak against God, that universities are filled with scum. It was not only what she said but also the language she used, angry and vulgar at times. She was very aggressive.
We “spoke” for a long time, most of which she was attacking me by any means possible. She even went so low as to use some things from my past only she knew about (concerning my feelings towards somebody we both knew) to use it against me. It felt like the most profound betrayal. When we finished I felt really bad. I couldn’t understand a thing. There was no conflict between us, no argument, nothing. For a week I couldn’t think of anything else. Finally, I decided to write her an email because I felt it was absolutely unfair. I didn’t do anything wrong yet I felt terrible. It was a really long email in which I said what I felt and that I still wanted her in my life. That I respect her beliefs and I accept her how she is but she must accept me for who I am as well, especially that nothing changed from my side, I have been an atheist my whole life. She responded with a very short message turning everything around and saying that she is offended by my atheism that I am unable to see the Truth etc. However, she also said that she wanted me to be a part of her life. That was the last time we spoke “from the heart”. We Skyped once again (again it was me initiating the call), it was a very short and awkward conversation with no meaning at all. Then nothing.
Meanwhile, I moved to another country, much closer to her. It was a great change language-wise. I texted her about me moving. She responded: great. I send her a message for her birthday and asked how she was doing. She responded with “thumbs up” emoticon. She never asked how am I feeling in the new country, how am I settling in. How my child is feeling in the new environment, language etc. People who I barely know were asking me that, my best friend did not. I feel very bad about all this. I feel betrayed and deeply hurt. I really don’t think it will get any better. The most problematic thing for me is that I don’t know why it happened.
